I’m just too tired to write tonight so I’ve asked Lisa to fill in the blanks for me

Status: 7.0/10  A very uneven day.

Events:  Rough night last night with fever, so I wasn’t feeling so hot this morning.  Also felt nauseated most of the day – both in the morning and again in the evening.  I really haven’t eaten anything again, just liquids.  I’m trying to figure out why I’m so sick to my stomach since the major chemo infusions ended over a week ago. The nurse says it may be the chemo they’re giving me twice a week during my LP.  Whatever the cause, it’s making my day lousy.   I did rally for a time and even managed to play a game of chess with Terry.  I was dominating, in total control until (in my weakened state) I made a fatal end game decision, which caused the game to end in a stalemate.  

Also today, Lisa ordered a massage for me, but it wasn’t as good as her foot rubs.

Sick people aren’t all that fun to be around, but the hospital has volunteers who come by to chat with us and offer us a bit of company.  A retired gentleman was my volunteer visitor today.  I really wasn’t up to talking, but luckily he was happy to tell me all about himself and his plans to retire down South.  Social worker Amy Sales also popped her head in.  She’s always a comfort to talk to. 

Comments:   This is part of a string of several days in a row where I really have not felt so good.  I am more than ready for the tide to turn. 

Thanks so much to Terry for being here – it was good to have someone here while I was going through all this.

And thanks to all of you for thinking of us, for your cards, your support and your help.




16 Responses to “”

  1. wendy Says:

    I like the acupunture recommendation… Katie’s sister does this and she’s local and works at John Hopkins. Just a thought

  2. Sheryl Stolberg Says:

    Hang in there, Bruce. You are tough and the tide will turn.
    Sounds like your chess game is a lot closer than our Scrabble game. It’s your turn, by the way. No pressure, but if you don’t play by tomorrow our game will expire and you will have to start slaughtering me in a brand new game.

    Much love, thinking about you and praying for you,

  3. Laurie Samuels Says:


    So sorry that you are not feeling well. Good thoughts and prayers continue to head your way in hopes of better days ahead! Glad Terry could be company during a rough patch… I know you were there for him during surgery… Here’s also hoping for a good night’s rest>>> Much love to you.


  4. Susan Says:

    Hi Bruce, we are here in the north country thinking of you and family. I also hope you turn the tide soon. Much love -Susie

  5. Susan and Larry Says:

    Slow and steady wn the race.Like the marathon we sometime hit the wall. Keep on going. We are all at the finishline praying and cheering for you to finish this race.Wishng you better days ahead.Larry

  6. Peggie Neill Says:

    “Nothing in life is more wonderful than faith – the one great moving force which we can neither weigh in the balance nor test in the crucible. Intangible as the ether, ineluctable as gravitation, the radium of the moral and mental spheres, mysterious, indefinable, known only by its effects, faith pours out an unfailing stream of energy while abating nor jot nor tittle of its potency.” Sir William Osler, The Faith That Heals. 1910

    As you lie in bed, with eyes closed, not feeling too great – picture a great moving stream, always flowing steadily as it winds around some bends. This is all the love, and faith, of your family and friends and people you don’t’ even know, carrying you along, supporting you, lifting you and Lisa up.

    With love, and faith, and prayers-

  7. wendy Says:

    Imagery and meditation are great tools to help heal. Ask the social worker to guide you through some.
    It can definitely help…the body find the tools to ease the moment

  8. Hopie Says:

    As your friends and relatives say, the tide will turn, (I know I was born at the ocean.) and Slow and Steady wins the race. All comforting thoughts. Have a much better day dear one.,
    Love, Me,
    your Mom, and I am gonna make a bigger hat!

  9. joel steinberg Says:

    Yes. The intrathecal drugs could well be giving you nausea and fever. This is a lot like the myth of Sisyphus–push the rock up the hill each day and push it back up the hill the next. Margaret and I empathize with you. Joel S.

  10. Jeff Molter Says:

    Hang in there, Bruce. have been following your journey and wish you strength right now. As I sit here in the middle of another large health system in Atlanta, you are teaching me new things every day through your powerful writing. thank you for that. Be strong – your friends are always thinking of you. Jeff

  11. Deepika Prasad Says:

    I still don’t understand baseball. I was completely lost at the last game and couldn’t even tell if we had lost or won. It would be appreciated if you could meet me at the next game and explain the rules again.
    Sorry that you have to go through this.

  12. Nancy Olson Says:

    I know you are keeping those doctors and nurses on their toes! You are going to beat this. It has been amazing to read your journey. You, Lisa, and the kids are in our thoughts and prayers. I have added you to our prayer list at church. Stay stong! God Bless, Nancy Olson

  13. Andrea Tuttle Says:

    Condolences Bruce. I have been following your blog like a voyeur. I like your rating system and will begin to employ it with my own patients as a psychosocial indicator ( they already have to rate pain and S.O.B etc) I believe the stats for communication based cause for medical error is 80%. But your instincts on timing of treatments so that symptoms are not likely to occur on shift change is good too since a large numbers of miscommunications occur during periods of transition. I hope you blog is helping you as much as it is helping me. What a great gift. I wonder if I ever would have been able to know you and your multiple talents in the same way without it. Thinking of you daily. I agree with the comments on visualization. One person visualized the chemo as eating up cancer cells like PacMan. There’s a memory that dates us. Whatever helps!!

  14. Andrea Tuttle Says:

    P.S. Sounds like being sick is pretty hard work!

  15. Ashby Says:

    Dear Bruce,

    Sometimes I wonder if my words just hurtle down the valley. And while I don’t hear a direct response from you, it feels like all the people who comment on your blog are providing all the response I need. You have a whole lot of caring people on your side. I should be so lucky. I am so very glad you are.

  16. Judi Golding-Baker Says:

    My Dear Bruce

    I’m so sorry you had a tough day. Tomorrow is a new day — I’m hoping and praying it’s a good one — for you. Love you, Judi

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